I haven`t written anything for a long time .... I don`t know even why , maybe the point is that all my days have the same routine ...and i am more weaker than I ever been before  , anway , yesterday i realized that despite the fact i try to study beyond my depth , my GPA is 3.5 and its very-very low .... i dont even want to look my e-diary ... and I know i have to focus to my homeworks and i should pull myself together , it`s reallly hard , i just feel i cant anymore . Years ago i used to say that "com`on , u can do it " but for now .. there is no hope , i can`t convince myself any more .. and my dreams are turning to nightmares...
Secretly , i didnt want to come this school , i wanted to go to Mustamäe High School but my mom didn`t let me , she ordered to go to ng or i have to go to work , my choice . At first i thought that i am gonna tell her , that i didn`t get in and maybe she would let me to chose Mustamäe , but willing or unwilling , the list of students , who passed the test , was publicly shown on the Ngs homepage ..  and i didn`t have any choice ....


& i am not so sure anymore about my staying in Ng .... there are 2 choices - am i gonna ask my father to rent an apartment and i am going to do tests again in Mustamäe or i ill be kicked out because of my marks and my learning disability .....
I am just trying to ignore my feeling and move on ... but i am not able to repress my desires